what they never tell you . . .

As I lay awake at night . . . unable to fall asleep, I think about a lot of things. One of the main themes, among others, are the things they never tell you about being a parent. Yes, we all hear that it is hard. Um, no. Calculus is hard. Working out everyday is hard. Learning Latin? Hard. Avoiding hideous fashion trends . . . hard. Leaving the last chocolate chip cookie for your cookie loving husband . . . hard! Parenting is a whole new level of difficulty. Parenting, when done right, is like a never. ending. marathon. It is voluntary forced selflessness. When done right. It is saying goodbye to sleeping in, worrying about yourself, eating hot food and being alone with your husband. At least for a while . . . you DO get these things back, right? Eventually? You say so long to eating treats during the day . . . I don't know about you but I eat nothing during the daylight hours that I am not prepared to share . . . now with TWO other mouths. You say goodbye to the body of your youth. You buy diapers instead of new clothes. You live off of chocolate and coffee (or pop in my case). And less than five hours sleep a night. You say hello to 24 hour job shifts. 7 days a week. No sick days or holidays. Forget pay. You give yourself over to someone else completely . . . as completely as a human can. If you are doing it right. Your every moment is revolving around the needs of others. Little others. Impressionable others, who are completely dependent on you. For everything. For food, clothing and shelter. And beyond that . . . love, kindness, patience, respect, guidance. And beyond that you have to teach them everything. What matters, what doesn't. Who matters and who doesn't. Colors, shapes and how to be kind to their brother. They look to you for every answer. Big AND small. You worry all the time and question every move you make. You doubt yourself and your abilities. You doubt you. You worry and worry. Are they eating enough veggies? Are they playing well enough with others? Are you going to mess them up forever? You pray. and pray. and PRAY. and pray. You learn more about God than ever before. You become DESPERATE for Him. Because this is a job that you cannot, should not, do alone. You cuddle and love and savor every moment. Because time really does fly. You fall in love with your husband more . . . as you see the type of father he is. If you are doing it right. They never tell you that parenthood is a perpetual cycle of mourning and rejoicing. You are so happy to see them growing and developing. You are so sad to realize that they are not babies anymore. You can't wait to hear them say your name. You dread the end of being a nursing mom. You give them everything you have. Even the things you didn't know you had to give. You really DO have a lot to give. They never tell you that by having your own child you will forever feel and understand the grief of any mother . . . anywhere. That by having a child you will be forever baffled by the choices that some parents make. If you are doing it right. You learn a lot. And I can't think of another way I would want to learn it all. They are the best teachers. Kids. They are hard on you and don't accept late work. They demand your best. And you can't afford to give them anything less.
And I PRAY that I am doing it right.