to the Gracester . . .

Thank you for being so patient with mama lately . . . I know I haven't been myself. Growing a baby is hard work and I am so very tired. I wish I had more energy to run around with you and more strength to hold you longer while we're dancing together and playing and running outside. And sorry again about the little emotional breakdown I had yesterday while we were singing "You Are My Sunshine". I could blame the crying all on my overly emotional state, but the fact of the matter is, I was mostly crying simply because I love you so much and want you to always know that. Things around our house are going to be very different pretty soon. That baby brother or sister mama and daddy are always talking about is going to be done growing in my tummy and will officially be part of our family. I can't wait to meet our new baby and introduce you to each other. Yet I am also so nervous about how you are going to respond to him or her and all the changes they will bring to our little home. I think that my biggest fear is that you will feel neglected by me . . . you have been the center of my attention for almost two years now. I know in my heart that God's love for you is even greater than my own and that He will help us adjust as a family.

You're growing so fast and learning so many things and wasn't it just yesterday you smiled at me for the first time which made me burst into a puddle of hormonal and exhausted tears? Didn't you only JUST learn how to sit up on your own? If it weren't for pictures I would swear it were true. I love this age you are at. If I could I would bottle it and keep it forever because you are just so much fun. You crack us up every single day with your goofy antics and silly questions and observations. But as much as I want to freeze time right this very second, I can't wait to watch you find your passions . . . I'm giddy at being able to help you grow and learn and seek and explore. Seeing you achieve something you've worked so hard at for the first time fills me with pride and I know there is much more to come. So while my heart silently breaks when you suddenly look like A Girl some mornings and not A Toddler, I'm still okay with it. It's a joy and a downright privilege to be your guide on this crazy journey . . . the big stuff and the day to day minutiae filled with adventures here and there. You are my sweet baby girl. My heart.

Some funny things from the last week or so . . .

I started washing the baby boy stuff I had from when you were born and you scooped it up and went and snuggled on our bed . . . you kept asking me, "for our brother Mommy?"
As much as you love pigs and chickens and cows and tractors . . . you LOVE to be a princess too . . . "TA DAAAAAA Mommy!"Saturday morning I told you we were going to Grandma's to visit . . . this is all the "stuff" you gathered up to go . . . "I ready Mommy!"